Lasting Legacy: How to Choose Your Baby's Last Name

If you aren't sold on the traditional practice of giving your baby their father's surname, and if hyphenating your child's last name feels daunting, rest easy knowing that there's a creative alternative for you. Modern parents are increasingly exploring options like combining surnames, using a family name from either side, alternating surnames for siblings, or even creating entirely new family names. This decision reflects your family values and identity, so consider discussing it with your partner during pregnancy. Some parents like Emma Thompson and Greg Wise chose to give their daughter a different surname altogether, while others follow cultural traditions. Remember that in many states, you have flexibility in this choice as long as you're consistent on the birth certificate and social security registration.

As families evolve, so does the practice of giving your baby a last name. Mothers are keeping their maiden names, husbands are taking their wives' names, same-sex partners are taking each others' names or making up a new one, and couples are increasingly opting out of traditional marriage. The surname decision that once seemed straightforward now reflects our diverse and changing family structures in modern society.

Fortunately, there's a solution to almost every baby-naming dilemma, and giving your baby a hyphenated name is only one option of many. Parents today can choose to use the father's surname, the mother's surname, combine both names with or without hyphens, create a new blended surname, or even select a completely meaningful alternative. Each approach carries its own considerations regarding family tradition, cultural heritage, and practical matters like alphabetical placement or potential nickname issues. Many Momcozy parents report that discussing these options early in pregnancy helped them reach a decision that honored both family histories while creating something special for their child.

Baby gets the dad's/partner's name

Traditional naming convention that carries on the family lineage

Pros: Giving your baby the father's or partner's last name is the most common practice in the United States. This tradition spans across various family structures—heterosexual marriages, same-sex partnerships, adoptive families, and unmarried couples. It's often the simplest option that requires little explanation to others, regardless of whether the mother chooses to change her surname after marriage.

"It was very important to my husband to share a name with our kids, but I really didn't care," says Kerri Patrick, mother of two. "So this was a way to give him a gift without betraying my wish to keep my own name."

For same-sex couples, sharing a last name can eliminate questions about parental relationships. "I'm married and took my wife's last name just for the sake of both of us having the same last name as our eventual kids," explains one Momcozy parent. "I don't need to give anyone more reason to question or speculate who the 'real' mom is."

Cons: Parents who don't share their child's surname might occasionally feel disconnected from the family unit. They may grow tired of explaining the name difference in everyday situations like school registration, doctor appointments, or family events.

"I grew up with my dad's last name while my mom had primary custody, and it made some things kind of awkward," shares a Momcozy member. "People always called my mom the wrong name and she had to explain who she was more than if she had the same name."

Practical challenges can arise when family members have different surnames, particularly during international travel. Border control and airline policies may require additional documentation to prove the relationship between parent and child.

"The only time my different last name causes problems is when I fly alone with the kids, though this is easily solved by bringing their birth certificates," notes one Momcozy mom. Some parents also carry copies of marriage certificates or adoption papers when traveling to avoid potential complications.

Baby gets the birth mom's name

Choosing maternal surnames and their significance

Pros: Women who are proud of their family heritage often want to pass their lineage to their children through their surname. In some cases, the maternal last name simply creates a more melodious combination with the child's first name. These are all legitimate reasons for giving your baby their mother's surname.

"Our baby will be taking my wife's last name," shares one expecting Momcozy dad. "I'm Caucasian and she's Korean, and it makes sense to us for our child to have a Korean last name so that she can more easily connect with her Korean identity."

Cultural identity is just one consideration. Many women who maintain their birth names after marriage choose to extend this choice to their children. "I'm happily married, and didn't change my last name," explains a Momcozy mom. "Our daughter has my last name only. We weren't fans of combining to make a new last name or a double or hyphenated name, so it came down to picking just one name to use for us. We're happy with our choice."

Another practical reason some families choose the mother's surname relates to relationship uncertainty. As one mother candidly shares, "I was with my kids' father when I had my first two and never thought we'd split. I gave them his name and regret it. He doesn't even see them now and I wish I'd have given them mine."

Cons: Despite increasing acceptance of diverse naming conventions, there remains a societal double standard. Families who choose the maternal surname often face questions and must explain their choice, while paternal surnames are rarely questioned. This can create unnecessary pressure during what should be a joyful time.

Family reactions can sometimes be challenging to navigate. "My husband was fine with giving our kids my surname," a Momcozy mom reveals. "My parents-in-law were a different story. They couldn't and wouldn't accept that their lineage wasn't being passed down through their grandkids. It caused a real rift in our relationship."

It's also important to consider that fathers may experience the same sense of disconnection that mothers historically have felt when not sharing a last name with their children. Finding balance between tradition and personal preference requires thoughtful communication between partners about their values and priorities regarding family identity.

Give your baby two last names (hyphenated or not)

Combining family names to honor both parents' heritage

Pros: Many families choose to give their child both parents' last names, either hyphenated or simply placed side by side. This practice is common in several cultures, particularly in Spanish-speaking countries, where children traditionally receive one surname from each parent.

Using both last names creates a clear connection to both sides of the family and honors each parent's heritage equally. It's become an increasingly popular solution for couples who want to preserve their individual family identities while creating a unified family unit.

"As a same-sex couple, we thought it was important for our daughter to have both our names, so her last name is hyphenated," shares Emma, a Momcozy mom. "It represents to our families and the rest of the world that we're all connected."

Cons: The most obvious challenge with double last names is their length. Some combinations can become quite cumbersome, especially when filling out forms or when your child eventually learns to write their full name. Certain last name combinations flow more naturally than others, so consider how the names sound together.

"I had a hyphenated last name from birth," explains Michael, a Momcozy parent. "I hated it growing up. I really wished my mom had done either-or because it was a nightmare for me, especially in school when teachers would get confused about which name to call me."

Double surnames can also create administrative complications. Many computer systems and forms aren't designed to accommodate two last names, leading to potential mix-ups with medical records, travel documents, and school registrations.

"A lot of places would automatically file my records under the last name of whichever parent I was with at the time," recalls Sophia, who grew up with a hyphenated name. "So when I'd go in for an appointment somewhere, I had to give three different last names to look under. It got especially complicated when I got married and had to decide what to do with my already complex last name."

Give each baby an alternating last name

Balancing family representation among siblings

Pros: If you plan to have more than one child, alternating surnames allows you and your partner to each have a child who bears your family name. This approach creates a sense of equality in the family and ensures both parental lineages are represented in your children's names. It's a creative solution that prevents either parent from feeling their heritage is overlooked.

"Our son carries his father's last name while our daughter carries my last name," explains Maria Thompson, a mother of two. "It was important to us that both family names continue to the next generation."

Cons: Siblings may struggle with having different last names, especially during school years when they might need to repeatedly explain their family connection to teachers, friends, and other parents. As they grow older, some children might wish they shared a unified family name with their siblings.

This arrangement can also create practical challenges similar to blended families or situations where a parent doesn't share the same surname as their child. These include complications with school registrations, medical forms, travel documentation, and other instances where family relationships need verification. Many parents find they need to carry extra documentation to prove their relationship to children with different surnames.

Use the extra surname as a middle name or given name

Incorporating family surnames in alternative positions

Pros: Many parents choose to use the non-primary surname – typically the mother's – as the baby's middle name. This approach ensures both parents' family names continue with their child while maintaining a simpler, non-hyphenated structure for daily use.

"I kept my maiden name after marriage, so we decided our baby would have Given Name My Surname His Surname," explains one Momcozy mother. "My family name works perfectly as a middle name rather than creating a hyphenated last name."

Another creative option is using one parent's surname as a first name if the name lends itself well to this purpose. The growing popularity of surname-style first names and gender-neutral options makes this an increasingly viable choice for many families, allowing both lineages to be represented.

"My maiden name is Walker," shares another parent. "We decided to give it to our son as his first name since he carries his father's surname, and I had already taken my husband's name when we married."

Cons: This solution might feel like an uneven compromise for some parents, as middle names typically receive less daily recognition than surnames. The first-name approach only works with surnames that function well as given names, and can potentially create confusion if the parent and child share the same name in different positions. Additionally, this approach tends to work best when one parent has already adopted the other's surname.

Make up a new name

Creating a unique family identity with a fresh surname

Pros: Creating an entirely new name by combining both parents' last names, or simply inventing something new, offers a progressive alternative that challenges traditional naming conventions. This approach elegantly sidesteps the hyphenation issue while still honoring both family lineages. It opens up creative possibilities for crafting a surname with special significance or meaning unique to your family's story.

Some parents opt for creating a new surname simply because neither of their existing last names feels right for their child. Parents also have the option to legally change their own surnames to match this new creation, establishing a unified family identity from the start.

"My friends Michael and Alicia combined their surnames Richardson and Morgan to create 'Richman' for their entire family. It beautifully represents both heritage lines while creating something uniquely theirs," shares a Momcozy parent.

Cons: A significant drawback to this approach is potentially disconnecting your child from the ancestral history and cultural identity embedded in traditional family names. Practically speaking, your child having a surname different from both parents can create administrative complications throughout their life.

"We've faced numerous challenges with insurance providers and medical records," explains a Momcozy mom who created a new surname for her baby. "School registration often requires additional documentation, and we frequently need to explain the situation to administrators who assume there's been a clerical error."

While having the entire family adopt the new surname can mitigate some practical issues, this solution comes with its own complications—the legal process of changing both parents' names can be time-consuming and expensive. Additionally, grandparents and extended family might feel their family legacy is being diminished or overlooked.

When making this important decision, remember there's no universally correct approach to selecting your baby's surname. Every family's circumstances are unique, and what works beautifully for one might create complications for another. Taking time to thoroughly consider the long-term implications will help you arrive at the best solution for your growing family.